Quotes for Instagram Quotes Funny and True

Do you need captions for your perfect Instagram picture? Definitely, use something funny! You will make people laugh and get a ton of likes!
Here is Your ultimate list of thebest funny Instagram captions you can easily copy and paste and be an Instagram hero!

You will find the best funny captions for selfie, friends, couples, beach, Christmas and more.

Best Funny Instagram Captions

1. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
2. Reality called, so I hung up.
3. I'm on a date, she isn't very social.
4. I'm in desperate need of a 6-month vacation…twice a year.
5. I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
6. A cop pulled me over and told me Papers, so I said Scissors, I win! And drove off.
7. After Tuesdays, even the calendar goes WTF.
8. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal.
9. Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can't beat surfing the net.
10. Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it!
11. I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's 7 years in a row now.
12. My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I had to do.
13. Brains are awesome. I wish everybody would have one!
14. For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.
15. How do I feel when there is no coffee? Depresso.
16. Confidence level: Kanye West.
17. How do you call a pig that does karate? Pork Chop

And more funny Instagram captions…

18. I like hashtags because they look like waffles.
19. What do you call an owl that does magic tricks? Hoodini.
20. There is maybe no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.
21. Don't interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle. Chances are, you'll hear some crosswords.
22. I am a ninja. No, you are not. Did you see me do that? Do what? Exactly.
23. I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it.
24. Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute. Yet…I wouldn't call them lies!
25. Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But that gets boring really fast. So I go back to being normal!
26. What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A may-bee… I'm a maybe.
27. I don't sweat—I sparkle.
28. Just got that Friday feeling.
29. The more you weight, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, eat cake!
30. The fridge is a clear example that what matters is on the inside.
31. If you fall, I will be there. Signed: Floor.
32. Did it for the memories – totally worth it!
33. You couldn't handle me. Even if I would come with instructions!
34. What do you call a thieving alligator? A Crookodile.

Must read:335+ Best Instagram Captions from Song Lyrics

And more…

35. When nothing goes right, go left.
36. Even I don't believe myself when I say I'll be ready in five minutes.
37. I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband!
38. Do I run? Yes… Out of time, patients and money.
39. I wish my wallet came with free refills.
40. Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix.
41. Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
42. If a dentist makes their money from unhealthy teeth, why would I trust a product 4/5 of them recommend?
43. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I am not so sure.
44. People say nothing is impossible. But I do nothing every day!
45. Be a cupcake in a world of muffins.
46. When you are downie, eat a brownie.
47. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they will start using it.
48. Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.
49. Wine + dinner = winner
50. I am not lazy, I am just on save energy mode.

Must read: 231 Best Sassy Instagram Captions

Funny Instagram Captions for Selfie

1. But first, let me take a selfie.
2. My hairstyle is called "I Tried".
3. I'm not short, I'm concentrated awesome.
4. Someday someone is going to look at you like you're the best thing in the world.
5. Fill your life with adventures, not things. Have stories to tell, not stuff to show.
6. When nothing goes right, go left instead.
7. You don't have to like me; I'm not a Facebook status.
8. As beautiful on the inside as I am on the outside.
9. When you take a selfie and your hairs look perfect but not your face.
10. Showing cleavage doesn't fix your face.
11. Always classy, never trashy, and a little bit sassy.
12. A selfie once a day keeps the depression away.
13. Oh, you're a model? What's your agency, Instagram?
14. Somethings look very good in dreams.
15. When you are laughing life seems to be better.

Must read: 315 Best Instagram Captions for Selfies

Funny Instagram Captions for Friends

1. I was an innocent being. Then my best friend came along.
2. We are best friends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up… after I finish laughing.
3. Friends knock on the door. Best friends walk into your house and start eating.
4. Friends don't let you do crazy things…alone.
5. Finding friends with the same mental disorder. Priceless!!
6. Good friends will share the umbrella. Best friends will steal it and yell: run loser run!
7. A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
8. A good friend knows all your best stories, a best friend has lived them with you.
9. A good friend is like a box of chocolate…sweet, nutty, & a good remedy for a bad day!
10. If your friends don't make fun of you, they're not really your friends.
11. Nothing compares to the stomach ache you get from laughing with your best friends.
12. Friendship is…being equally annoying.
13. Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.
14. Friends are the chocolate chips in the cookie of life.
15. Best memories come from bad ideas.
16. Having those weird conversations with your friend and thinking if anyone heard us we would be put in a mental hospital.
17. Happiness is doing weird things with friends.
18. A best friend is like a four-leaf clover: hard to find and lucky to have.
19. Friends come and go like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face!
20. I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends will go there.
21. A best friend is someone who loves you when you forget to love yourself.

And more funny Instagram captions for friends

22. I hope we never get tired of making fun of each other.
23. Everyone has that one annoying friend, if you don't have one then it's probably you.
24. Friends pick us up when we fall down and if they can't, they lie down with us and listen for a while.
25. I don't know what's tighter, our jeans or our friendship.
26. Real friends don't get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.
27. with your best friend is all the therapy you need.
28. True friends don't judge each other. They judge other people together.
29. Best friends keep your secret longer – at least for one hour.
30. Never let your best friends get lonely. Keep disturbing them..!!
31. A true friend cares like a mom, scolds like a dad, teases like a sister, irritates like a brother and loves more than a lover.
32. Best friends don't care if your house is clean. They care if you have wine.
33. Behind every successful woman is a best friend giving her crazy ideas.
34. God made us best friends because he knew our moms couldn't handle us as sisters.
35. A girl can survive without a boyfriend, but she can't survive without a best friend.
36. A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.
37. Coffee and friends make the perfect blend.
38. A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!
39. Friends are the family you choose.
40. Strangers think I'm quiet, my friends think I'm outgoing, but my best friends know that I'm completely insane.
41. Friends buy you lunch. Best friends eat your lunch.
42. Hard times will always reveal true friends.

Must read: 317 Best Instagram Captions for Friends

Funny Instagram Captions for Couples

1. My bed is a magical place, I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
2. Like rain, I fell for you.
3. Let's commit the perfect crime. I'll steal your heart and you'll steal mine.
4. What if I told you, you can eat without posting it on Instagram?
5. I won't cry for you. My mascara's too expensive.
6. Friday, my second favorite F word.
7. I wish my wallet came with free refills.
8. I'm not crazy I prefer the term mentally hilarious.
9. I just want to hug you so much right now.
10. It's okay even the sky cries sometimes.
11. When a girl is in love, you can see it in her smile. When a guy is in love, you can see it in his eyes.
12. I like the way you're everything I've ever wanted.
13. I will love you unconditionally.
14. You make my heart skip a beat.
15. I feel the fragrance of LOVE everywhere when you are near me.
16. Sometimes I look at you and I wonder how I got to be so damn lucky.
17. You mean more to me than you'll ever know.
18. With you, every moment is sweet and memorable.
19. I don't Chat to Flirt.
20. One soul, two bodies.
21. I am trying not to think about you but it's not working.
22. You are the risk I'll always take.
23. By the way, I'm wearing the smile you gave me.
24. If you smile, every time his name pops up on your screen. You're in love.

Check also these 257 Best Instagram Captions for Girls.

Funny Instagram Captions for Beach

1. Don't worry BEACH happy.
2. Sun, sand and pineapple in hand.
3. I don't need a Man. I need Tequila and Tan.
4. Seas the Day!
5. Sun Shine on my Mind.
6. Breathe in the Ocean.
7. Beach More Worry Less.
8. I see you.
9. Tropic like its hot.
10. If there's a will, there's a wave.
11. I am happiest when floating in Sea.
12. I need some beach therapy.
13. Ocean Air, Salty hair.
14. Shall we dance?
15. Palm trees & Ocean breeze
16. The best days are Beach days.
17. I look my best when I'm totally free, on holiday, walking on the beach.
18. Good Vibes happen on Tides.
19. My love for you is deeper than the ocean.
20. The smell of the ocean never gets old.
21. Happiness comes in waves.

Do you need more? Read here: 333 Best Beach Captions for Instagram

Funny Instagram Captions for Christmas

1. Dear Santa, I've been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Nevermind, I'll buy my own stuff.
2. Merry everything and happy always.
3. But first, let me take an elfie.
4. Dear Santa, is it too late now to say sorry?
5. Friends are like Christmas lights. Some are broke. Others just don't work for you and there are others that make your day shine bright.
6. I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I'll drink the red.
7. What do you call an elf who sings? A Wrapper.
8. I'll never outgrow the excitement of looking out my window and seeing falling snow.
9. I'll be ho-ho-home for Christmas.
10. 'Tis the season! Let the overeating begin!
11. Totally sleighed it.
12. Winter Wonderland
13. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
14. Kindness is Free Sprinkle that Stuff Everywhere.
15. Sweater Weather is Better Together.
16. You rock my Christmas socks.
17. It's beginning to look a lot Like Christmas.
18. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.
19. I Have O.C.D. – Obsessive Christmas Disorder
20. Believe in your elf.
21. Nothing says holiday like a cheese log.
22. That's too small to fit a pony.

Must Read: 375 One Word Instagram Captions

And more funny Instagram captions for Christmas…

23. If you don't feed yourself first with strength on Christmas meal then you are only able to pass gasses with an empty stomach.
24. I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.
25. One day of coal vs. 364 days of fun… I'll take my chances.
26. Feast mode.
27. Merry Elfin' Christmas.
28. Christmas Magic is Silent. You don't Hear it. You Feel it. You Know it. You Believe it.
29. When someone asks 'where is your Christmas spirit?' is it wrong to point to the liquor cabinet?
30. Permanently on the naughty list and loving every minute of it.
31. There'll be parties for hosting, cocktails for toasting, and caroling sung way out of key.
32. Why the jingle jang not?
33. Green Eggnog and ham.
34. Sleigh my name, sleigh my name.
35. The elf did it.
36. Sometimes you put everyone else first in a Christmas selfie and you forget to take care of you!
37. Fairy Lights on Winter Nights.
38. Dear Santa… I can explain.
39. Too bad we can't gift wrap common sense.
40. It is the Season to Sparkle.
41. Happy holla days.
42. The only time of year in which one can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.
43. Single bells, single bells, single all the way.
44. Don't get your tinsel in a tangle.

Must read: 217 Best Cute Instagram Captions

And more…

45. Feliz – Naughty Dog.
46. I'm only a morning person on December 25th.
47. All the jingle ladies.
48. Fizz the Season.
49. Being related to me is really the only gift you need.  Just saying.
50. What do you call an elf who sings? A Wrapper.
51. The right dress and makeup can make a girl hang in Christmas tree through the happiest times of her life.
52. *Puts a selfie on top of the Christmas tree because I'm a star*
53. What did one ornament say to another? 'I like hanging with you.'
54. If you are a Christmas tree growing next to a Santa tree, does this somehow change the taste of both fruits? Would you get a selfie?
55. The best way to spread Christmas Cheer is singing loud for all to hear. — Elf
56. When You Say Blizzard, We Think Dairy Queen.
57. Merry Christmas, Ya Filthy Animal.
58. Just so we're clear, the Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair.
59. All spruced up.
60. The Best Way to Spread Christmas Cheer is to Sing Loud for All to Hear.
61. Me every day: slay. Me in December: sleigh.
62. My husband's idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.
63. Happy holiyays.
64. I Hope Rudolph Eats the Naughty List.
65. Dear Santa, define 'nice'.
66. There's snow place like home.
67. Make it a December to Remember.

More Best Funny Instagram Captions

1. Oh, you're a model? What's your agency, Instagram?
2. Wine is always the answer. What was the question again?
3. I'm a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.
4. Best friends. Because of anyone else heard our conversations we'd end up in the mental hospital.
5. I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waist of time.
6. Last name Ever, first name Greatest.
7. I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open, looking for answers. Also food.
8. Who needs self-awareness when I can make you aware of me instead?
9. I know the voices in my head aren't real… but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
10. I eat cake because it is somebody's birthday somewhere!
11. It's okay to be a glow stick; sometimes we need to break before we shine.
12. What if I told you, you can eat without posting it on Instagram?
13. When Jessica Biel becomes pregnant, I hope she names her child Mo.
14. Don't worry, Beyonce.
15. They say: Do what you love and the money will come to you. Just ordered pizza, now I am waiting…
16. I am actually quite a nice person. Until you piss me off!
17. Nothing is lost until your mother can't find it.

Read also: 573 Funny Instagram Bio Ideas You Should Use (to Stand Out)

And more best Instagram captions…

18. There's no we in fries.
19. I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box… I don't even know where the box is.
20. What does Charles Dickens keep in this spice rack? The best of Thymes, and the worst of Thymes.
21. I feel I am the undiscovered supermodel.
22. I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
23. I am standing outside. Therefore, if anyone asks, I am outstanding!
24. I need a six-month holiday, twice a year.
25. Only dead fish go with the flow.
26. They say don't try this at home…so I went to my friend's home!
27. The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar… it was tense.
28. Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.
29. I would kill for a Nobel Peace Price!
30. I can't clean my room because I get distracted by the cool stuff I find!
31. You are one in a melon.
32. If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, why did it fall off in the first place?
33. I don't need a hairstylist. My pillow gives me a new style of hair every morning!
34. I don't care what people think of me. Mosquitos find me attractive!

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And more…

35. ETC. End of Thinking Capacity.
36. What do you mean I'm not a bear? I have all of the koalafications!
37. I'm just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a cupcake.
38. Don't give up on your dreams. keep sleeping.
39. I like big cups and I cannot lie.
40. My teacher pointed to me with his ruler and said At the end of this ruler there is an idiot! … I got detention after asking which end!
41. Bad choices make good stories.
42. Mom: Why is everything on the floor? Me: Gravity!
43. If there would be an award for being lazy, I would send someone to pick it up for me.
44. Yes, I do bad things, but I do them well.
45. Be a Warrior not a Worrier.
46. With great power comes great electricity bills!
47. I love listening to lie when I know the Truth.
48. Yes, of course, I am athletic… I surf the Internet every day.
49. Going to bed early. Not going to a party. Not leaving my house. My childhood punishments have become my adult goals.
50. It's too a.m. for me.
51. Enjoy at least one sunset per day!

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Pin these Captions for Instagram for later and for your friends:

Funny Instagram Captions for Selfie

Funny Instagram Captions for Friends

I was an innocent being. Then my best friend came along.
We are best friends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up… after I finish laughing.
Read more funny captions for Instagram here.

Funny Instagram Captions for Couples

My bed is a magical place, I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
Let's commit the perfect crime. I'll steal your heart and you'll steal mine.
Read more funny captions for Instagram here.

Funny Instagram Captions for Beach

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